Kirbie’s Love Letter

Reference post “Messages from… Beyond” for full explanation of this page.
Posted on Facebook by Kurt (screen name Kirbie MmKay) on Sunday, August 28, 2011; 1:13 a.m., before his death in March, 2012. Was this how Kurt answered his pledge to reach out after his death to Jody?
Goth-Girl Hottie?

I would like to introduce to my little corner of the FB world a most extraordinary woman:  Friends, meet my sister Jody.  I took this photo of her drinking a blood-red cocktail, because anyone who can negotiate across the English/Asian language barrier that she wants her nails done in BLACK not WHITE DAMMIT! deserves a pic on the web.

Jody is like that.  She lives in a world where ideas –  great, profound, passionate, compassionate, loving, powerful, insightful, important, and yes even fun, impulsively zany ideas – swarm like a whirlwind of paparazzi-trained Dragonflys, hoping to match and catch her sparkling eye and become reality.  Many of the good ones do.  Too many for most people to manage and bring life to, but you are not reading about most people, this is Jody we’re discussing here.  And what IS Life anyway?  Is it a divine spark of love-energy too powerful to be physically contained for long, before it bursts and wears thin fragile flesh, returning then to the ONE LOVE that connects us with all other life . . . and is that, then, Divinity?  If so, then there is more of that divine spark buffed off those fingernails before painting (BLACK Dammit!), than probably fuels an average week for some of us.   Like me, I suppose.

A woman like that is bound to accomplish many things in her time with us, including co-authoring a book on surviving cancer with her amazing, Bllessed husband Kevin, a man whom I admire more than he is ever likely to know.  Oh she’s qualified to write such a book, it’s on her resume’ like so many other things, because she Survived late third stage cancer, which began the same year my brother and I tended our Mother’s own battle with the disease in her spine.  I have my reason’s – and my Own qualifications – to Respect – Mom, Bro, Kevin – and Jody.  Always Jody, whom I have followed, eight years behind through life, in a constant state of awe.  Spend five minutes with her, you’ll understand.

I haven’t had a very good week, mostly, and I’m ashamed that I let such a gift as this life get me down for even a moment.  Caught up in life’s trivialities, frustrations & failures, all parts of the human experience which I believe exist only to give a visible contrast to the Divine we are part of, and is all around us.  In you, and me, and the Dragonflys too.  But in the back of my mind have been two great sorrows: the first was a fear, as we awaited Jody’s latest scans, which were run for valid suspicions.  The other is a sadness, that in my life the one thing I cannot take away are the moments – with Jody, but also with all the many people I have known and loved as best I knew how – that have hurt them, or lessened the Joy we Could and Should have shared, lost because I wasn’t at my best.  Every moment lost a tragedy: a menagerie of little regrets, robbing some glory from the ecstatic dance this life has mostly been for me, and I pray those I have touched.

This, I think is the price of a determinately open heart, choices made so long ago to not build a shield that Love could not pass through.  Shields are good stuff: I bought the cheap ones even with the inherent dangers: it was a bargain, and worth the risks.

When Jody told me her scans were fine this week I wept, alone, and nothing else mattered, and I think maybe I’m getting better at walking my path the way I want: neither leading or following, just With.

I Love You Jody,


  1. A special man and a loving brother.

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